I am not going to count this as a day of blogging in my 100 days. I am sick and after coming home from work yesterday I went promptly to bed and slept long and hard. As an insomniac, that tells me. Lot about my sick.

While you are waiting for me to return (I will blog this evening) please check this out. My movie premiere. We are working with the YWCA and their domestic violence programs and giving part of proceeds to that. If you aren’t in our area, we are hoping that it travels across the nation helping the YWCA to get funds to help domestic violence victims in all of our states.


Or visit at http://whiterosesmovie.com

Please enjoy this brief break


No Title for this…. that would be bad form.

(Day 13 of 100) Second blog of the day as I am a slacktastical slacker. I know that my son is working on some writing projects… however… I did not realize how decently he writes. I am pretty pleased with his writing. **Proud mama**Please feel free to go see it if you are into gaming at all… He is. That’s what it is about.

Anyway… It’s lunch time… I’m eating lunch. Getting new computers in the office today and mine is last. My brain hurts from trying to remember all the stuff we have to have done to each one etc. etc. Yeah… I’m the computer chick here.. As my desk is in the front office… there is a lot of noise and a lot going on and my mind is on about 80 different subjects right now. Sounds much like the shouting matches you would hear on the Wallstreet trading floor in there. I may feel a migraine coming on.

Hence… Blog number 13 will fail miserably. I find myself wishing that this morning’s blog  (yesterdays) was the one I am posting now… because 13 is my favorite number in the whole wide world. *Deep sigh* I simply cannot focus on a single subject to write upon and I find myself longing for 4:30am… when my thoughts are clearer and I can linger on the keyboard.

I do want to thank the people that visited and clicked the follow button today. It made me feel good. I hope I can write some things here that you will enjoy. It’s time to install my computer now. so… Tomorrow morning then? (I’m a little excited…. kind of like when you know you are going to get to sneak away and meet your lover in a special place… and the anticipation is just killing you.)

Have a wonderful evening, my babies. *muwah*

Friends, acquaintances, and some guy you had a photo-op with.

(Day 12 of 100) Slacking off already, eh?

The problem is I write best in the morning. I also have a horrible time sleeping and so by the time I get to sleep my alarm is going off and I am NOT ready to start my day. Today… I have to meet the office girls for breakfast, so I am forced to start my day early……. and I find that I missed you, Morning. I missed you lots.

See, when I get home from work… I come here.. where I am really not happy and the life get’s sucked out of me. I don’t want to move. I stare blankly at my projects and I know I need to work on them but there is this motivation sucking thing…. (No, it isn’t the TV) and it just seems to suck all life out of me. I apparently need to make some changes if I am going to blog every day….

I started on my lunch yesterday on a blog about friendship. I don’t think that I want to write about it in detail so much as I just want to make a comment. And so I deleted the whole thing because it was just getting really convoluted and long and it began to make no sense. So here is my commentary.  Previously I wrote about a person who insinuated that they may or may not have some sort of relationship with a celebrity. Several days later they posted a photo of said celebrity holding their baby….. in an area that is staged for that type of thing. Okay….. Cool. Here’s the thing. I am hoping that posting that picture wasn’t their way of trying to convince people that they know said celebrity personally. I might assume that if he was holding your baby while sitting in your living room. (Photo-shopping it just doesn’t count) But just about anyone can have their pic taken with a celebrity in a staged area that is set up for that purpose.

I’ve had dinner with, hung out with, had beers with, spent entire weekends with celebrities. We have chatted online, corresponded via email, talked on the telephone. I’ve been sent tickets, been picked up at the airport by managers and driven to an event just to hang out with some people. However, I would not attempt to lead someone to believe that they are my close personal friends. They are people that I met and hung out with. Some of them were my friends for a while and we kept in touch. Now we do not. We have grown apart. Why? Because we have lives. (their lives are a lot busier than mine) We have grown apart. And we don’t live anywhere near one another.They may remember me. They may not. At this point in our lives we aren’t even acquaintances. We are past acquaintances. To say that I “knew” them is an understatement. I knew them in that moment that I spent with them. Some of them I knew better than others because we actually were friends that corresponded for quite some time. I could not tell you anything more about most of them than can be found in the media, more than likely. Okay… maybe a few personal quirks that I noticed while spending that time.. but not much more.

A friend is someone that keeps in contact with you. Be it constant contact on some social medium, or by text or spending time with you. They are interested in what is going on in your life and make an effort to reach out to you. And there are different levels of friendship as well that I will not delve into at this time because I should be getting ready for work. As I am a day behind on blogging… I will post another blog later.

Ciao babies.


With my phone’s last breath

(Day 11 of 100)

I asked for ideas on what to blog about today on my Facebook page. I got some very good ones. And I think I may very well write about each and every one of them. But not today.

Today I am talking into my phone as the battery constantly reminds me that it is low. And therefore, this is not going to be a blog about any of those things.

In fact, it’s not going to be very much of a blog at all. I will say that a very beautiful girl posted a very beautiful photo of her new son. He is quite a handsome young man. And she mentioned what a distraction he has been today and she was trying to finish a paper that she’s working on. And I was reminded of what a distraction I found my children to be when they were young and so much of a distraction. And I look back upon it now and I realize they were the most beautiful distractions that anyone could ever ask for. They disrupted my life and my dreams in every way possible. And I am so very thankful for it that my heart could burst when I think of it. I look at them know that they have grown and moved out on their own, spreading their wings and testing their ability to fly, and I realized that I helped to shape and create that. And it could’ve turned out much worse. But in fact it turned out much better than I had hoped or that I had imagined.

(This photo is by http://mariannainsomnia.deviantart.com/art/The-Birds-Have-Flown-334850345)

I am so proud of my babies. And I miss when they were small. And I wish that I had realized then how important those moments were to me while they were happening.

So I’m going to go to bed now and plug in my phone and I’ll just leave these thoughts here.

To feel outloud or not to feel outloud. How about your weekend?

(Day 10 of 100) Woohoo! 1/10th of the way there.

I am feeling very conflicted. I have some things on my mind that I want to write about. And at the same time that I want to share them with a bunch of strangers that don’t know me…. I do not want to share them with the people that do. There are a lot of reasons for that. It’s not that I have something to hide. I don’t. I just think that sometimes our thoughts and feelings are better left unsaid so as to not put pressure on someone, or make them feel badly or whatever when that is not the purpose in the first place (or the second or the third for that matter.)

So instead, I shall blog about my weekend. And you can all be left hanging, wondering what it is that I am holding inside, not sharing with you all. And I shall write on about my daily junk while the girl inside screams silently to be heard by someone who can judge her but she won’t care, or who will comment and make her feel as though her thoughts and feelings are valid…


Nobody comments on my blog here. I’m not exactly sure what is up with that….. Other than my writing is currently sub-par, at best, comparatively to what it used to be.

So anyways…. on my with my weekend. I hung out with the man I adore, which always makes for a perfect weekend. We did some running. I like running. I do not like running in the cold. Actually, I just don’t like being cold. Running in the cold is not that bad except that the cold air really does not feel so good in the chest. The last run we took we actually recorded my heart rate. Beloved was concerned because it was so high. He runs marathons. He has always run. And his heart rate hangs at about 133 I think while he runs. Mine hangs out in the 170’s when I run. Peaking up into the 180’s. I looked into this a little and considering that I have not been running all fall or winter… That’s pretty standard. Also… a lot of people have a high heart rate anyways. So, in case anyone was actually concerned, I probably will not have a heart attack while running. I may have one from sitting on my ass at my job for the better part of the day. Heard a discussion on the radio the other day about how they did a study and people who sit on their butts for more than 4 hours a day are more susceptible to heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes, bla bla bla bla bla. I’m looking into a desk that I can attach to my current short desk that will pull out and up so I can stand. Wouldn’t that be splendiferous? I think so. I miss the standing desk I had at my last real job.

Also, this weekend, I cut out the pieces for the monk like garb I am making for my friend Eric. I’m a corner of a lining piece short on fabric. I will make due. (Much like they did in Medieval times) And it will look good.

I had some odd dreams. Did some cooking. I made biscuit bowls and Beloved made Chili to fill them with. And then we vegged out and read and he napped while I read. I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately and I missed that.

I have many projects I need to get my butt in gear and do. I hate the feeling of being unfinished. I’m being commissioned for more, so that is good. And I want to learn things. Nålbinding and playing my guitar and card weaving and lampwork beads. I have so many creative ideas in my head… and I’m very frustrated.

Anyways… Have you clicked on that link over there to the right to sign the petition to save Pastor Saeed? Well, if you haven’t, you should. Simply out of duty to the loving of your fellow man. Thanks if you have. Thanks in advance if you are going to. (Don’t be a dick)

Okay… I’m gonna go now and research Norse stitching techniques. Not that I haven’t done this a thousand times… but I’m preparing for my work to look authentic should it be closely examined. *grin*

Speak not of that which you know not

(Day 9 of 100)

Ahhhhhhhhh, another day of not much to say. Actually, I want to go lay down on the bed with my man and watch Carrie. Because I haven’t seen it yet and he asked me if I wanted to watch it. Of course I do. It’s cold outside. And I don’t want to write.

So what’s with the title? Well…. People saying things about things they may or may not know anything about. For example…. I don’t think people who do not suffer from chronic depression (I don’t mean people that suffered from depression for a little while because bad things happened in their life or someone died or whatever. That’s temporary and they got better) I mean people who deal with it everyday when there really isn’t anything in their life for them to be unhappy about. Like me.

I have had many rough patches and it was difficult to deal with the regular depression topped off with the situational depression. Very very very difficult. To the point of needing to reach out for help. Because I wanted life to just stop hurting. And right now… life may not be perfect. But it definitely is not anything to be sad about. I am very very happy. And yet… I have to talk myself out of bed some mornings. I cry at least once every day. I thank God for Air1 to listen to on the way to work. And yes… I do post uplifting quotes on my facebook every morning. Why? Because it makes me feel better. It starts my day off with a happy thought. And people tell me they love them. Every morning they look forward to them. So I guess, I feel  like I am helping someone else.

My Nephew has magically come back from being lost to the world. I am happy he is okay and doing well. Today is his birthday, which I had forgotten. But I forget everyone’s birthday. Because that is just how I am. In our conversation I discovered that his mother told him something interesting about why I was let go from my last great job. And that his mother heard it from my mother. These are the two people in the family I speak to the least… and it kind of upset me because it was entirely untrue. If it was true I would not have gotten 3 months severance pay with full benefits. WTH? I am feeling a little furious at the moment. I’ll get over it. I was really happy to hear from him though and find that he is okay and is doing well and hasn’t been sucked into some weird cult. At least I hope that is not the case.

Anyways…… I know none of the above made sense. And I’m sure it’s because my mind is elsewhere… like in that bed with that man watching a movie.

Here I go.

American Hustle… and normal non-hustle

(Day 8 of 100) Somehow I feel like I have so far to go……..

I don’t have much to say today….. As usual I think about the subjects I want to write about only when I am working. Or I’m in bed. You know, sleeping.  And then I promptly forget them. Grrrrrrrrr. Very very frustrating, you ken?

At any rate….. I went running with the man this evening… it was cold. I saw snow in front of my light. My broken toes became painfully numb, if that makes any sense at all.  I was actually very warm. We ran thru hop fields. And regardless of what Batman thinks… there were no scary Mexicans out there. (Hey! Don’t be getting all excited and saying I’m racist. I didn’t say it. Batman did. I just repeated what she said. You’re really confused now, aren’t you?)

I had a wonderful epiphany in my car today….. I’m terrified. I’m just gonna leave that one there and let you mull it over.

Watched American Hustle after work while I drank a glass of wine with the man and theater full of strangers all drinking and munching away on their chicken strips and sliders and salads and steaks and such. There was not much dancing, but there was quite a bit of hustling. And quite a few of them were dressed appropriately for disco. I liked it. I could watch it again. Especially with that wine. It was good wine.

Now… my shoulders hurt a little bit. Whilst running I had a vague cramp again at the corner of neck and shoulder. Why? Who knows. What I do know is I need to run more. That was good.

Good night and stuff.