A friend of mine posted this on The Book of Face the other day…. and it really is very true. The author is unknown currently. (meaning, I searched for a little while… couldn’t find it… gave up. Not willing to put hours into it.”
“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”
Ok… so I can relate to most of this. People say… “you should take meds for that.” Well… my brain chemistry is backwards somehow… and meds only make it worse. Honestly… I think I do a pretty good job of battling it on my own. I could do better. It is nice to have a support group that understands. I have someone here… though I am not sure if he understands or how severe it can be for me. But he is exceptionally wonderful. And having someone exceptionally wonderful in your life is pretty awesome. At the very least…. you don’t feel alone in the world. And I cannot imagine that it is easy on him. So the fact that he continues to hang around makes him even more exceptional. It helps that he likes to do fun things with me that I could never seem to find anyone else to do with. Hiking, running, working out. It is a little difficult that he won’t let me do anything for him. He does so many wonderful things for me…. I feel like a burden or a taker and I am not.
Ok, enough of that. I came home this morning wanting to just write and get some of this whirling goo out of my head. Instead, I spent several hours trying to understand why Microsoft needs to push some sort of crazy Bing toolbar onto my desktop. I DO NOT USE BING. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO USE BING. AND I DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT IT ON MY DESKTOP. Good think I look at my updates before I download them. Also… It wanted to “upgrade” my security stuff. Not update it, but upgrade it. And for some reason… that just wasn’t going to work. Even after I followed all the suggestions for troubleshooting this issue. Guess what? All you really have to do is uninstall the version you have, and reinstall the newest version. *FACEPALM* That was so much easier than all the advice all the techies were giving me. *rolling my eyes” On the upside, while I was waiting for all the scans and downloads and failures to happen… I repaired all the hempy goodness of my shoulder bag and installed a new zipper with metal teeth. Who’s idea is it to put plastic teethed zippers on purses? That’s just silly. Build things to last, why don’t you?
My sweet Bellisima is being a moody little furbaby today. Snarly and grumpy and bitey and hidey in her cave. Too many children trying to touch and play with her. She is just not a children dog. She is a growed up people dog. So… we have locked ourselves in the room. Where I can finally write, but have completely lost my train of thought, other than my incredible dislike for Microsoft right now.
I guess now that I cannot stay on any given subject that is in my head (Thanks again, Microsoft!) I will go do some laundry… and maybe start another sewing project. I need some tunic tops to wear with my leggings. Yeah.