I just want something beautiful…….

(Day 2 of 100)

That being said… I want to talk a little bit about religion or spirituality or belief systems or the lack there-of. Which ever way you want to go. I’m easy. But the fact of the matter is this is my blog… and so I’m going to write about my spirituality and my view of it and my growth in it and what I think about it. Feel free to comment or argue or whatever floats your boat. (granted, if you want to argue… I’ll pretty much not respond to your arguing comment…. but discussion is definitely welcome… as log as it isn’t mean, hateful or negative.

So when people ask my religion, I say I am a Christian. That is the religion I was raised in. When people ask what my belief system is I say “There is only one God. Jesus Christ died so that I may be free. Karma exists, and….. don’t I know you from a past life?” 

So… 1) Some people would argue that their God is the only one and true God. Let us talk a moment about that…. Jesus said “I have many names” We could argue all day on the many aspects of that. But if he and God and the spirit are all one…… then….. ponder for a moment. Who are you, so righteous, that you get to choose which name that is and define God by it? There was a time recorded in the bible where all peoples spoke the same language. Imagine the communication there? There was no telephone game going on lost in translation. These people were capable of just about anything they could dream simply based on the communication alone. Every culture has a different name of God…. Who’s to say it’s not all the same being… and in the process of our languages being Babel’d (yes,.. I know that is not a word.. It’s a double meaning… babbled.) across the earth it’s a little difficult to share your belief system with others, much less, make it all come out the same. So just sit for a moment and imagine that God is one… and it is only man that has skewed how angry and mean he can be. 

2)Christ died so that I may be free and so that you may be free and so that we all may be free… we are forgiven for our sins… in advance. That doesn’t mean it is okay to run around sinning all over the place. I try to stay away from the the 10 commandments. Those are good basic rules to live by. I would suggest to anyone…. How humbling is it that someone would send their son to die for your mistakes… mistakes you haven’t even thought about making yet because you don’t even exist yet? That’s just crazy…. and humbling. That someone loves me that much (or will love me that much… or in the case of reincarnation… already does love me that much.)

3) Karma exists…. it just does.

4)Some people who call themselves Christians would argue that if I believe in reincarnation then I am not a Christian. I say… what the hell do you know? My argument is that if the end result of our physical lives on this planet is to fly to heaven and sit with God… how could he possibly enjoy our company if we didn’t learn everything we need to know to have an intelligible conversation with him. Who wants to hang out with a bunch of 2 year-olds?  Because compared to God… that’s essentially what I imagine it would be like for him our first go around unless we were someone super awesome like Gandhi or Mother Theresa or Buddha. And honestly… I am fairly sure that it wasn’t their first go round.  And it goes leaps and bounds to explain why sometimes you meet someone and find that you know them somehow as if you had known them their whole lives… and yet…. you’ve only known them for 15 minutes. There is a lot we need to learn….. about why we are here… I really think that is the most important thing.

So why are we here? Well… in the beginning God made man to take care of the garden and all the creatures within it. I think the earth is our garden now…. and quite frankly… we are doing a really shitty job of taking care of it. We were also here to love one another. (I don’t mean in the hippie sense of that.) What is love? It is the opposite of fear. Think about it… Fear causes just about every negative feeling you could have. Fear of the unknown causes distrust, insecurity, hate, anger, violence. Fear of isolation causes depression and loneliness. We withdraw because of fear. We fight because of fear.

What do we do when we love? Fighting for love is different than fighting out of fear. When we have open and loving hearts, we trust. We give. We listen. And when we do those things we smile.

Love brings something beautiful. God is love….. When you give yourself truly and completely to him… you have nothing left to lose and in that… you have nothing to fear. Not to say you will lose all the negativity of being human. It will always come to drag you down…. but if you just grasp it by the neck and toss it up to God every time it rears it’s ugly head…. in comes the beautiful.

Most people don’t remember when they were a baby… you were dependent on your parents for everything. And I pray that you had good parents… that were worthy of the trust and unconditional love that you gave them. Before you were taught to fear. I imagine that is what it is like… giving everything to God.

In my depression… I find that when I look to God every day… I start my morning listening to Air1 radio. And I am filled with Joy and peace and my fear fades. It brings of tears of joy to my eyes to sing and thank him for every blessing he has placed in my life. I’m depressed… because of things. Because of brain chemistry and body chemistry. When I am deeply depressed I attempt to analyze my life to place a reason upon feeling that way when in all actuality, my life had been hard but good. And I am okay. And there really is no reason for my depression other than the chemistry thing. And I have fear. And I try to remind myself that I have nothing to fear.

My biggest fear is being alone. I have been in relationships…. but for the most part I have felt alone. Without a partner in this world. I am terrified of dying alone. Of never having anyone to love me enough to make me a wife and stand by me till the very end. I wonder sometimes why I was not good enough. But then I realize…. God loves me unconditionally… no matter what. He is always there. He never leaves me alone. And if I am good enough for God…. then I am absolutely good enough for any man. And someday… He will put that man in my life.

I am not a churchy bible beater person. I don’t want to point my fingers at others and accuse them or curse them to hell. That is not my place. I love each person in my life, be they Pagan or Wiccan or Atheist or Buddhist or Muslim or Catholic or bible beater or what have you. If you are Fubar’d, it does not matter. There are lessons for you to learn there or for someone else to learn by know you. If you think you are not worthy of unconditional love… you are wrong. God would rather have you with all of your mess than not have you at all. You may think he has forsaken you… but he is always near you. Always. Waiting for you to turn and feel his warm and welcoming embrace.

Being loved by God doesn’t mean that he is going to make your life peachy and happy and perfect all the time. But he sure  does make the rough stuff easier to endure. And if you look around you… and begin to notice all the tiny beautiful moments in your life that you constantly dismiss and take for granted… you will see something beautiful.

So.. yeah… that’s my something beautiful. I cried a little while sharing it with you… so… be nice.

Now… Go listen…. cause it’s good.




Cram your thoughts down my throat. It makes me happy.... come on... just do it!

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