Personal Jabs in a professional environment…..

(This 100 days thing is just not working out…..)

I’m not sure exactly why but it really pisses me off when people say that I am not a real blonde.
I am a real blonde. I have been a real blonde my whole life and I have pics to prove it. My children are both blonde (Well, my son’s hair has darkened immensely in the past few years.But so did mine. Just not nearly as much.) I have blonde Eyebrows, blonde eyelashes blonde body hair. The color my hair is currently is my natural color… greys and all. And it’s blonde. Approximately 5 different shades of it, at least.

Why am I talking about this? Because… I got overly upset about something today. They guys at work joke around a lot… and that is okay. I generally do not mind and it keeps things fun. But someone wrote on a card “Not a true blonde” and folded it and set it up in front of my desk on the other side of my monitor where I could not see it but anyone who walked into the office could. Seriously? Are we 5? You can leave fake lizards and spiders and bloody fingers all over my desk. But honestly… personal jabs aren’t ok. And to me, that is a personal jab. If it were true… then it would be funny. Because it’s true. but it isn’t true. So now it’s just slander. Now…if you said half the hair on my head at the movie premier this weekend was not my hair…. that would be funny… because it’s true. In fact we cracked jokes about that all day before the premier.

And you know what else….? It pisses me off that I am so sensitive about it.

I have other wonderful things to blog about… oh wait… this wasn’t a wonderful thing. K.. I have wonderful things to blog about. I have not had time. And I do not have the time now. I just needed to vent.

end rant.


(Day 19 of 100… kind of) Yes… I’ve skipped a few days. I was out of town with the most wonderful person on earth. That being said… you can see why I would not bring my laptop along just so I could blog. Also… why I would not attempt to blog from my phone…

So I had a great weekend. I’m hoping he had a great weekend as well, as it was his idea in the first place. It seemed as though he had a lot on his mind… and even more so after we returned. I would like to think that those things didn’t have anything to do with me. In the past…. *sigh* Well, the past doesn’t really matter. We live in the now. The past was a horrible place over and over again… and I choose to not reside there any longer.

Meanwhile… back to work today. I know today is Tuesday but it was totally a Monday all the way round for me. First, my brand new computer did not want to boot. It seemed to be caught in some deranged booting loop and the Server guy had to come fix it. Apparently all it took was him re-doing everything that I had already done myself. Obviously I just needed to do it one more time. 4 was not enough.

I became astounded at Microsoft’s ability to remake something that was pretty good already and make it incredibly convoluted and redundant. “My documents” are not longer where my documents are. On XP, when I hit “my documents” it went to where my documents were stored on the server, so that I could access them from whichever computer I logged on to in the building. Now… “my documents” is a blank folder in location called “Libraries” in which I have to sort all of the crap I have already sorted into…. Because I have all the friggen time in the world to sort the things I have already sorted into redundant categories that they have already been sorted into in “my documents” folder. Grrrrrrr. At this point I have a horrible desire to light a bonfire and dance around it nekked directing a horrible curse towards the programmers of Microsoft Windows. You people are grasping at the straws of job security, by recreating things that were just fine the way they were. You are not making things better. You are making them more difficult. You are making my job more difficult and time consuming. You suck and Lucky for you I am bound by the credo of “Harm thee none.” Lucky dogs.

After work, I had to listen to my youngest child have a nervous breakdown.  Then I had to explain to her why accepting the idea that everything that is happening to you is a direct or indirect result of a decision you made. Take ownership of it. The faster you can do that, the faster you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on with your life. Once she could calm down and do that, everything would be okay. And I would be even more proud of her when she fixed the mess she got herself into. It sucks… but sometimes you have to walk into a shit storm to learn that you should really look at the big picture before walking into the shit storm. Hopefully, when it is all done and over with… she will have learned that lesson. I have faith in her. She’s a pretty smart girl most of the time.

I got to hear Josh talk on the radio about the big movie event. Feb 22nd at the Capital Theater in Yakima Wa. World Premier movie opening and fundraiser for the YWCA and their domestic violence programs. a large chunk of the proceeds will go to them. We are very excited to be partnered with them. You can make movies all day long… but the YWCA is making a difference in the lives of many. A movie is just something to entertain your brain. If you are in the vicinity… you should go. Checkout

Cia babies…. I feel like tea and sleep are two necessary evils I must undertake now.


Had a bad day….

God or Science?

I’m reblogging this because I didn’t get it on till late and apparently no one reads blogs later in the day and I really wanted some feedback on it….. so… Reblog….

Useless Data In My Head

(Day 18 of 100)

I am super excited today! What started it? An athiest friend of mine decided to start a discussion about believing in God and believing in science.
In that discussion I was told that I was stupid, closed minded, and illogical.

I wish that I was having that debate with them in person. Because while they are getting all huffy and puffy with me the more I fail to bend to their way of thinking… the more I am laughing and smiling at their unimaginative mind. The more I am saddened by the fact that they have lost their sense of wonder. How they have lost that imagination that used to give them the ability to play for hours-on-end with a cardboard box pretending it was something other than what it was. Because imagination is what breeds idea… and ideas become something tangible. And one can argue…

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God or Science?

(Day 18 of 100)

I am super excited today! What started it? An athiest friend of mine decided to start a discussion about believing in God and believing in science.
In that discussion I was told that I was stupid, closed minded, and illogical.

I wish that I was having that debate with them in person. Because while they are getting all huffy and puffy with me the more I fail to bend to their way of thinking… the more I am laughing and smiling at their unimaginative mind. The more I am saddened by the fact that they have lost their sense of wonder. How they have lost that imagination that used to give them the ability to play for hours-on-end with a cardboard box pretending it was something other than what it was. Because imagination is what breeds idea… and ideas become something tangible. And one can argue that that is what this debate is really about… something tangible. And yet… God is tangible to me. But maybe it is because I believe that I somehow know him a little.

I wonder how it is that I can feel and see God all around me and others cannot? I wonder how those who claim to know God are so mean and hateful? Because I think if they truly knew God… they wouldn’t be.

I feel like I am caught in the middle. Those who do not believe are against me… and those who do believe are against me as well. My ideas do not fall in line with the bible beater and they are too imaginative and open minded for the atheist. And all I can do is laugh when they come at me. For I find it amusing and bewildering that they cannot conceive of my idea of God vs Science. That they cannot even ponder the notion for a fraction of a second.

They like to tell me that because I am a Christian I believe in Creationism. They are right. Then they tell me that only evolutionism is logical because there is scientific proof. I agree with that as well. (Now they are confused as hell.) My question is… how long is a day to God? One person’s comeback was “24 hours.” To that I say… 24 hours is the length of a day on earth which is where we live… so yes.. that is true. but if you are an omnipotent being who created not only earth but the surrounding universe do you think that his day is limited to 24 hours? We say a day is from the time the sun rises until it rises again… (approximately…. which actually holds no weight what-so-ever if you live in Alaska.) What if you live on a planet with two suns? And those are scientifically proven to exist. We know that there are other solar systems out there that are perfectly capable of sustaining life. I think that God created every single thing around us. I think that it is presented in the bible in a way that human beings at the time could understand it. But what people fail to realize is that it’s just a story… written by a man who was inspired by his God…. Honestly… did the guy who wrote it really have the ability to scientifically prove it? Of course not. Hello? *shaking my head*
What blows my mind is that some people take things so literally… and then say that I am the closed minded one. I believe that everything scientifically proven has merit. I also believe that it was part of God’s grand design. Every cell, every big bang, every star in the sky and single celled amoeba. There are still many things that Man has yet to figure out completely via science.
They argue evolutionism with me. Well, I believe that evolution occurs. but I have to question that we came from primates. Because if we did… why are there still primates? We are greedy eaters of the world… maybe we came from cockroaches. And why has evolution slowed so drastically? If we as human beings are as good as evolution gets… what a sad day. I am disheartened. Because we are really not that great.

In the beginning God created science. There’s potentially a God. Now what are you going to do with your life?

I honestly would love to have an open discussion about this if anyone would care to do so. However, if you choose to discuss… I would hope that you would choose to not be hateful or demeaning to others in the discussion… I know it’s difficult. Let’s see how grown up we can be, shall we? Your thoughts… I’m interested.

It’s your last day… what are you going to do?

(Day 17 of 100)

I’m having a tough time with this. As I do with many things. I know… you could judge me and call me a slacker. Or a flake or whatever. I posted something about depression and how it effects you in ways that other people just can’t understand because they have never experienced it. And honestly that is what it is. I think to myself after work…. “I’m going to go home and work out and write and do this, that, and the other thing.” and then I get here… and nothing happens. There is this little part of me screaming at me to do it and there is this other part of me whispering “why bother?” I am angry that the whispering part always seems to win. I think, I will get up earlier and write…. I wake up early and spend the morning petting my dog and catching up on what my friends that I never get to hang out with our see anymore are doing in their lives via their posts on facebook. I feel detached and lonely. And now I want to cry. That will last the rest of the morning, dammit!

This morning I posted this on FB: “You are fooled by your mind into believing there is tomorrow, so you may waste today.” ~Isihin Yoshimoto


So…. if today were your last day, what would you do? I would definitely not be going to work. I would go to my man’s house, I would get him and his kids and the suburban and I would get my kids and we would drive all the way out to the most Northwest tip of the American Continent… and we would marvel at the blue water and amazing view and smell the woods around us… and I would tell them how much they mean to me. I would give all my hoards of fabric and yarn to my starfish. I would take a million photographs of me with the people that mean the most to me. I would go bungee jumping. I would jump out of a plane with my bestie. I would call the President and tell him to read the constitution and to encourage American citizens to do it as well. There are so many things I would do. Why am I doing none of those things now?

I am so tired of just surviving. Of working my ass off to do so and not ever really being ahead. I don’t feel like I have anything really to look forward to but a lifetime of servitude and that I will never, ever, be able to do the things in life that I would rather be doing as a job or as a partner. And if I am ever able to do those things… I will be too old and broken and worn down to do them without being in so much pain that it I will no longer find joy in doing them. I feel my creativity fading. It comes to me and floats gently and slowly away and I have ceased trying to catch it because….. why bother? I have no time or space to do anything with it anyway. The people that have known me for a long time used to know this loud showy extrovert who is still in there.. but she is trapped inside the chained closed box of an introvert. What is the point of trying to get out of the box? Ugh. and there you have it…. the depression has taken over my blog.

I would spend my last day making sure that the people I love the most know how very much I love them. That is what I was trying to say. Daniel, Johanna, Tim, Samantha, Emily, Reid, Linara, Brandie, All the kidlets, all the starfish kidlets, Boo, Tamara, Dena, and everyone… they know who they are. Every person on my FB that has touched  my life so profoundly……. I love you. I appreciate you. You are amazing… I could spend hours writing out why about each person…. But I’m going to get ready for work now. Back to the servitude.


Horse Latitudes

(Day 16 of 100)

“When the still sea conspires an armor
And her sullen and aborted
Currents breed tiny monsters
True sailing is dead
Awkward instant
And the first animal is jettisoned
Legs furiously pumping
Their stiff green gallop
And heads bob up
In mute nostril agony
Carefully refined
And sealed over”

~Jim Morrison

The above came to mind as I watched the Superbowl yesterday. I have stated before that the Seahawks and the Broncos are my 2 favorite teams. I was so hoping to see a great back and forth keep you on your toes kind of game. That was not the case. It seemed that the Broncos had encountered a case of the Body Snatchers where the aliens snatching their bodies seemed to not know much about football. I had hoped to be cheering for both sides… and found myself cheering for one and crying for the other. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain…. and this Superbowl I was on that line. What the hell happened?

Now I’m super happy that my home state team won! It was their 2nd trip to the Superbowl and they won this time. They definitely worked hard for it and deserved it. The Broncos have been 6 times and have won twice… so they have that. I heard a child on the radio say (In trying to make light of their favorite team losing) that they’ve already had 2 SB wins, and the Seahawks haven’t had any till now. Sharing is caring. I thought that was adorable. The Broncos shared that ball all over the place. The whole….. entire…… game.

Let’s talk about the half time show! Bruno Mars did an amazing job. And I loved the costuming and the hair! Fabulous! The only nipples that were shown were done so by Flea and Anthony Keidis. But I don’t think anyone notices because a)that is their normal attire and b)we were all wondering if Bruno was pondering about Anthony’s mustache as much as the rest of us were.

As far as celebrations go… we had a small family gathering in front of the TV and the fireplace with veggie tray, Uncle Dan’s, Chips, and artichoke dip. We drank Guinness and the kids drank soda and it was chill. I have to say that even though I was sick, and my fur baby just had surgery, this was an incredibly comfortable weekend. I also found the dress for the red carpet event for the world premier of the movie I am in. I’m going to do my hair like Rita Hayworth, I think. We shall see. I have friends and family coming and I’m super excited.


Alrighty then… thanks for reading… We’ll talk at you all later! Peace. (and Bronco’s fans… thanks for sharing!)