Becoming Hostile towards others

I am beginning to feel hostile towards people that I should be loving towards. This is a hard thing for me to feel. I don’t like it.

So…..I’m going to take another moment to vent. Have you ever had a member of your family who consistently takes and never gives? In fact… they seem to expect the free ride and cannot understand why other family members feel so put off by them? Maybe I’m that family member. I don’t know. If I am… I wish someone would tell me. But I try not to be. I try to put out my fair share. And in fact, I feel incredibly uncomfortable getting charity from others. I wonder why others do not feel this way. Feeling grateful is one thing. Feeling as though it is somehow owed to you is quite another.

A young member of my family, who started very early in life on making babies (she currently has 3 now of school age) has moved back into town. She has a long history of making bad life decisions. I do not want to hold this against her. We all have made at least one dumb decision in our lives. I, myself, have made several. She is working… although incredibly slowly… at getting her life together. Although some focus would be good, for she has NONE.

However… it is very difficult when she repeatedly has my parents bail her out of EVERYTHING. When she posts things on her facebook about how her new smart phone was a great investment that she strongly recommends to others. Why does this irritate me? Because she didn’t pay for it. My parents paid for it. And they are paying for her phone account as well. I don’t think you should speak about the value of an investment that others are making for you. She probably doesn’t even have a clue how much it costs. All she knows is that she got a new smart phone for free and doesn’t even have to pay the monthly costs associated with it.

She sold her mobile home, which none of the other family members know exactly how she purchased as she has not had a job for God knows how long, nor a savings account to speak of. We can only assume it was purchased by our parents. (They purchased the home my sister currently lives in for her… although, she is currently paying the mortgage.) The question has been delicately posed by several people… but no answer has been forthcoming… by anyone.

In the past, when she visits, she expects everyone else to attend to her children and she does not clean up after them. When she does attend to them, she is overly attentive and overly accepting of bad behavior. She refuses to punish, but talks her way gently through the ordeal, making it last 1 hour vs 5 minutes. Heck… all I had to do was look at my daughter and say… “you want a cold shower?” and she would stop immediately, whatever it was. (This consisted of 1/2 a second of cold water if that, in case you were about to get all up in arms. Basically the equivalent of throwing a pitcher of water at them. And it only happened one time. It had that big of an impact.)

She is now currently living with her mother (they have a very large 5 or 6 bedroom house) but her children are going to the gradeschool in my parents neighborhood. So she has to drive them out in the morning and pick them up at night. For the past 2 days I have come home to a house full of children + their mother eating dinner. And last night they stayed the night. I can see where this is going. Already I have had to remove ALL of my things from the bathroom because they are being used without being asked if they could be used. Some of these are consumables…. and I don’t mean things you can eat, and they are things that I currently am in need of, so me coming home to find 1/3rd of them missing is NOT okay.

I try very hard to be respectful of my parents and their space… I am living in their home. And I attempt to keep my foot print at a bare minimum and confine my junk to my room. But it stresses me out a little bit when people who don’t even live there are leaving a bigger foot print than those that are… and they don’t even seem to give two shits about it. And I can see it now… they are going to end up living there again. My Father will go insane and my mother and I will be drug along for the ride.

I would love to move out on my own… but until I finish paying off some necessary things (i.e. taxes, medical bills for myself and the kids, and things I helped the kids with) But believe me… I will be finding my own place once that is done. *sigh* Because honestly… The stress of 3 crying children (and they do cry a lot… they are very sensative children) and dad being stressed about the constant noise and mess, etc… I don’t think I am mentally equipped to deal. It’s only been 2 days and dad already snapped at the middle boy for having an emotional breakdown over broccolli. We shall see.

Dear God… grant me the serenity to change the things I can and accept the things I cannot…. Also… please pass me a good dark German beer. We can enjoy it together as we meditate on this prayer. (Some AA members may take offense to this. To them I say… Lo Ciento… I can’t please everyone.)

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