Getting Old

That’s right…. I said it. I’m gonna write how I feel about it. And I don’t feel good about it… well physically I don’t. Let’s talk about why….
1) Sleeping in sucks. My head says… “stay here. It’s warm and snuggly and the person you love is curled up next to you with their arm around you and you’re all sweaty together and it’s cold outside of the sheets in the room out there…. It’s so nice and peaceful and quiet. And the dogs are curled up with you. No demands. Just the bird noises outside and the sunshine coming in between the curtains and the sound of the trees swaying in the wind and the fresh smell of outside. Stay here…. it’s so nice.” But my Body is saying, “AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Get up!!!! For the love of all that is holy! Move me!!! Stretch me!!!! Stand up!!!! Do stuff!!! This hurts!!! GET UP!!!!”
It’s a conundrum.
2) I seem to have at least 4 different people living in my head. They are all me… don’t get all psychological on my butt. There is the 5 year old; who is able to find awe and wonder in everything. There is the 12 year old; who thinks the following words are hilarious… Penis, Fart, Bagina (yes… I know it’s spelled with a V), Poop, and several other infantile things that when involved with anything that could feasibly become a joke. Also… this person does not find any danger in the idea of building a forge, playing with fire, shooting their friends with paintballs or nerf projectiles or airsoft pellets, building a trebuchet and firing watermelons into a hop field or stuffed turkey toys into a battlefield. Speaking of battlefields, this is a place where we play dressup in medieval clothing, dress in armor and/or beat eachother with sticks. There is the 21 year old; Who would like to think she can still wear mini skirts and tight clothing and dress like a teenager. She imagines her boobs still defy gravity. She wants to drink all the yummy flavors… micro-brews, wines, meads, liquors, mojitos, margaritas…. etc. Etc…. She wants to bang her head to loud music, and twerk like it ain’t no thing. Belly dance around a fire and to bellydance/tribal/techno fusion music. She thinks she can do anything… like bungee jump off a bridge or sky dive or hike across Europe. And then we skip to where we are now….. The 45 year old; She is level headed. Logical. A good little worker bee. Who sees all her dreams are pretty much down the tubes and why bother.  This person, however, clings to old hope…. and so she let’s the others drive as often as possible, without letting go of the common sense reins.
3) Fat…. Where the hell did that come from? What is this extra poundage on my butt…. it’s like I grew a second butt…. on my upper thighs… right underneath my original butt….. what is this? I’m not doing anything different from what I was doing before……… WTH?
Apparently your metabolism slows down. So what this means is that I must excercise. More. More than I was… and at regular intervals…. like daily. This is hard. Especially if you don’t have room or a friend to motivate you. Ugh. On the upside…. When I do yoga in the morning… I feel really good the rest of the day. And if I do actually work out… the pain I suffer in the following days is not the kind I want to complain about. It actually feels good in a weird way. Does that mean I’m some sort of weird self sadomasochist? (Sans the sexual part) I don’t enjoy inflicting pain on others, and I don’t enjoy people inflicting pain on me… but me inflicting workout pain on myself is really ok….? *insert perplexed face here*
4) This is a plus side I think….. a lot of women think that as they get older their beauty fades. If they are single… and they don’t want to be.. there comes this weird desperation phase. I personally think this is where the term “Cougar” comes into play. But if you can step outside of that desperation to find someone to spend the rest of your life with…. you can remember when you were young and you dated guys your age…. was it really that great? They haven’t changed. And in fact, most of them have gotten worse. There is something to be said about dating a man your own age when you are older. In fact, there is a lot to be said. Some of them have actually grown up. They are responsible. They generally have good and stable jobs. They’ve done something with their lives. They are well practiced in the art of love-making. They don’t just think about themselves all the time…. and they have an appreciation for a woman their age…. They see more than just boobs and butt. They understand that every stretchmark, wrinkle and line have a significant meaning. It means you are strong. You have survived life. They appreciate the love and the touches… and your inner 21 year old. They don’t take you for granted. And they aren’t so self centered.  Dear God… what woman in her right mind wants to train a teenager to be exactly what she wants only to have him discover she’s old and that all the girls his own age want him. Alone again. Think ahead ladies… think ahead.
I am pretty sure that I had more to say… but my ADD is kicking in… so I think it’s time to let this go.
Welcome to getting old. May you do so with more grace than I. Or maybe with as much grace as I. However you want to look at that.


Cram your thoughts down my throat. It makes me happy.... come on... just do it!

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