Imagination…. and loneliness

“Every girl dreams of falling in love.

When I was five, I decided that my future husband would have a smile that could brighten a room.

At twelve, I dreamt of a husband who was tall and slim, with dark, clean-cut hair and a well-defined jawline. He would have green eyes that reminded me of evergreen trees.

At sixteen, I wanted to date a guy with blonde curls that swept over his eyes. He would be a witty but tortured soul, perhaps a poet. He would be shy around everyone else, but with me, he would open up and make me laugh, and he would make my skin tingle when he kissed me.

But when I entered the dating world, the faces of all three of the men I once thought I would marry began to fade into the ceiling of my empty bedroom.

The future never turns out the way we think it will: the cruelest thing God ever gave children was the gift of imagination.

Ten years passed, twenty years, and still, I never once got the chance to answer the question: “Will you marry me?”.”

The above was written by an author named Shelly Li. Her online home is  Please go check her out. I think her writing is lovely. At any rate…. the reason this struck me is this passage is pretty much the story of my life. Well, except for the last line. I have been engaged twice and proposed to a few times. Why am I not married? Because either a)I discovered later that they were complete douchebags or b)I did not love them.  When I get married I stand true to the “till death do us part” line. No fair killing the other one off.

I had a dream. I had dream that I would meet this great guy and that we would fall in love and get married and build a family and a life together. We would do family things that my kids would never forget their whole lives. We would buy a home and make it our own. He would have a shop and a garage and I would have a project room. We would have friends and family over all the time. We would support eachother’s dreams and aspirations. We would struggle and succeed, hand in hand. We would grow old together and be best friends.
Yeah. Not so much.
I had a dream. I watched others live that dream and continually tried and failed to find it.
I watched people who had it let it fall apart and it boggled my mind. Why? How could you let something so wonderful just fall apart? Maybe it’s because I never had it. I could never understand. Poppycock!
At any rate….. I still have part of a dream. I’m not dead yet. But I wonder what it would have been like.
Do you have a dream?


Cram your thoughts down my throat. It makes me happy.... come on... just do it!

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