As I type the title of today’s musing I feel sad. I am drinking coffee. I don’t know that I even really like coffee.
It’s odd how our rituals change when we co-habitate with someone else. When I was alone (i.e just me and my children) I would get up in the morning, put the tea kettle on, fold the clothes straight out of the dryer, move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and start another load of wash. Then my water would be hot and I would make a cup of tea, sit down at my computer and write. There was something about that ritual that just kind of started my whole day moving in the right direction.
For those of you who followed me back in the days before Facebook was really a thing and Myspace was a bloggers Thunderdome, I actually wrote some really good stuff. Story blurbs, with characters that people waited on the edge of keyboards to see what they would experience next. Poetry that flowed like deepest sweetest tasting dark honey, causing your eyes to leak and your heart to break. (I may be embellishing here, but I did have quite a few followers….. in the hundreds at least. Which was quite thrilling for me.)
Most of that stuff is missing now. Myspace dispensed with our precious creativity, it is lost and I cannot retrieve it. Yes I saved my work, but that computer is long crashed and I retrieved all I could from the sad and tired hard drive. The rest is a garbled indecipherable mess. But I digress…..
The new computer is here now. I am writing. I am also considering other blogging platforms. As soon as I can find time to research them. I find WordPress to be restrictive. I don’t care for that much.
Not that my writing is very sensational anymore, by any means. And it’s frightening to put your stuff on the inter webs now. I’ll write a story and someone will take it as their own. I’ll see it in 5 years on a movie screen with no credit to me whatsoever about the amazing character you stole from me that I’ve spent 20 years of my life creating in my head with full backstory, 100’s of years of life experience and fascinating experiences. People are jerks.
Anyways….. (In my best Joel McHale voice, gosh diddly… I love that guy!) Here I sit, drinking coffee and writing this… whatever this is…. thinking about the awful taste it leaves in my mouth and wondering what happened to my tea ritual. Or any of my rituals for that matter. It’s not as if my significant other is in the way. I’m on this search to figure out exactly what it is that is in my way. He doesn’t stop me from doing anything I wish to do. Is it my desire to just be present with him that keeps me from retiring to the sewing room to sew, or to the computer to write? I believe that it is. I have new rituals. He and I watch certain shows together, although we have no set times. We recently got rid of cable because it’s just stupid so everything is via apps now. We watch The Soup on iTunes because it is our FAVORITE. NBC is my best friend right now with The Blacklist, Heroes Reborn and Blindspot. All of which watching is not really ritual. We watch as time allows. I thank the providers of streaming media for this blessing. But we watch together some of them. I watch the ones he doesn’t care about with headphones on.
I miss some of my rituals. My creativity flowed better with them. It’s interesting how easily I can fall into a new pattern with the person I chose to spend life with, and let go of my own patterns. Oddly my patterns our now lost…. and picking up new ones so that they fit into the life I have chosen is foreign and difficult. Or is it just me. Maybe it’s just me.