I am lost.
I am full of a sick feeling all the time.
I am overwhelmed by the aching in my chest that won’t stop, and when I wake in the middle of the night I clutch the blankets to my chin and I cry and pray for hours for some higher being to please make it stop.
I am terrified that if I am left to my own devices, at some point the desire to make this pain stop will result in an end I truly do not want.
I am grieving. Not just the loss of you, but of the betrayal, the rejection, and the shattering of my dreams.
I am confused. And maybe knowing the truth would help, maybe it would not. But your reasoning does not make sense to my stupid stupid heart, and so I can only believe it is false.
I am alone. Because my best friend, my lover, my confidant has turned from me.
I am beautiful. Even with my tears, inside and out, I am told. Even by you.
I am worthy. Definitely worth unconditional never ending love.
But still….. I am lost. Right now I am lost.