I believe that everyone has experienced this at least once in their life. You meet someone, you’re friends, you fall head over heels giddy stupid over them… and they push you away. Or they don’t feel the same. Or they aren’t in that place.
And that hurts. Rejection hurts, period. Doesn’t matter if it’s someone you were in a relationship with or if it’s someone you are friends with or if it is someone you admire from afar.
I have been there. I find often that they way I love my friends can also be misconstrued. If you are my friend and I see you are hurting… I want to show you love to help you through. To give you confidence and boost your mood and just make you feel special. That scares people a bit. Why would you give that away for free? You must want something I’m not ready to give. LOL No… I just want my friend to feel better, and I am generally very clear in my communication of that. But that rejection hurts as well.
But really what I want to talk about is the other side of the coin. I get along with men much better than I get along with women. It’s been that way my whole life. Unfortunately, there is something wrong with that in the eyes of the world. I do have female friends that I am close to. But not many. So on that note…. sometimes they fall.
We don’t choose who we have a love connection with or who we fall in love with. It is or it is not. Yes, you can choose to love someone. I know several people in arranged marriages that have lasted 30, 40 plus years…. they love one another very much. But they were never in love. I do know one couple that is in love… but they have told me that it took some time and work and when they found themselves there it was unexpected.
I choose my friends very carefully. If you are my friend, if we spend time together then I trust you. I feel safe with you. I enjoy your company. But then you gotta go catching feelings. It’s okay…. it’s not your fault. We don’t choose that. It’s just there. And I know that it hurts because I don’t feel the same way. And I may never feel the same way. I wish I could change the way you feel. I’m sure you wish you could change the way you feel. I know when in the same situation I have felt that way.
Now… here’s how I feel. You are my friend. I care about you. I love you. I want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you suffer…. and it hurts even more to know I am the cause of that suffering. So now where are we? You don’t want to be around me because it hurts because you want me and I don’t want you. I don’t want to be around you because you are suffering and it’s my fault because you want something from me I can’t give you. Hence…. end of friendship.
I hate that. It makes me angry. I think it’s stupid. And I miss my friends.
“Nothing ruins the taste of Peanut Butter quite like unrequited love” ~Charlie Brown
You speak truth, Charlie. You speak truth.