This is probably going to get a lot of hate. I’m hoping that it gets a lot of thoughtful and open conversation. I’ve had people be very abusive in discussions. I’ve also had some people be very kind and thoughtful on the topic, even though I am pretty sure they are screaming on the inside about how I’m an old white cis woman who is oblivious (or worse).
There are so many layers to transgenderism in my mind.
- Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person was identified as having at birth / especially : of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is opposite the sex the person was identified as having at birth
I often ponder under what circumstances this could occur. How does it correlate with homosexuality and reincarnation? In my adult life, I have spent a lot of time with gay men. The term applied to me at one point in time was “fag hag.” My flatmate was gay, and our circle of friends was about half gay. We all spent a lot of time together. Some of them were very effeminate, some were flaming, and some of them seemed fairly average in the grand scheme of “gender norms” imposed by society. My first exposure to a sweet transexual, transvestite from Transylvania was the character we all know and love from the Rocky Horror picture show, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, brought to life in a way no other could ever duplicate by Tim Curry. My thoughts on Dr Furter…. A sex-positive flaming bisexual man, who has insecurities just like the rest of us. He was fabulous and desperately in need of understanding, support, and a long hug.
For the most part, I tend to take people as they are. Because of the gender norms that have taken hold in society, we have some pretty strong ideas cemented into our core value system about how we see people and how our brains identify other humans. The idea that this can be flipped over and changed for the entire human race is ludicrous. That’s not how brains work. That’s not how humans work. It takes a long time to create the change that is desired by the transgender community. It sucks, but it’s the truth. And the truth can sometimes suck.
I’ve never had a problem with humans dressing in clothes. you’re a man and you want to wear what we tend to see as female attire, go on with your bad self. Same for women wanting to dress in so-called men’s attire. Clothes are just clothes. As long as you aren’t sharing your naughty bits openly in public, I don’t care what you wear and I’m not going to go out of my way to judge anyone for it. As long as you aren’t wearing white after Labor Day. Just kidding… I don’t even really understand what that’s about or why it’s a thing.
I’ve always had people in my life who are running around being non-conformists when it comes to gender norms. It doesn’t bother me. Do you. As long as you are feeling fine in your own skin and you aren’t causing harm to anyone, do you. (That being said… some people are a little over-sensitive about EVERYTHING and imagine you are doing them harm by staring off into the distance in their general direction, but that’s an entirely different conversation.)
Most of the transgender people that I know personally, male and female, are just out here trying to live their best lives in a way that they feel comfortable and secure in. And to be quite honest, I haven’t really pondered their decisions at all. I meet someone whom my brain identifies as one or the other gender, but they clearly are giving off other hints, I just ask. I’ve rarely gotten an attitude about it, and more often than not, thanked for asking. It’s not hard to ask. If I’m having trouble with pronouns, I just use their name when referring to them. As a person who has a hard time remembering names, this is a great way to train your brain to remember their name. You may say… “just train your brain to use their pronouns.” Your logic is sound, but still not how brains work. Years of conditioning are throwing a monkey wrench into your solution.
There is this lovely human being in a group that I enjoy spending time with. This person and their girlfriend are a lovely couple. When I see this person by brain identifies them as male, but also as the female they are presenting themselves as. I see them as both. And they are not the kind of person that is in your face aggressive about their identity. And I think that is what makes it easy to be so accepting of who they are. Not that they need my acceptance. But I think you get what I’m saying. At least I hope you do. I was in a singles group online for a while and there was a very attractive man that I had a huge crush on but he lived in Oregon and I just don’t do well in long-distance relationships. He was a trans man. fully transitioned. But I didn’t identify him as trans. He was just a man. I guess if you wanted to grill me about it, yeah, he was trans. Okay. But my brain didn’t identify him as that even though I knew that was what he was. But he wasn’t being all dramatic about it. He told me he was trans and I was like… okay. Are you fully transitioned? yeah? Okay. You’re a man.
I follow a trans woman content creator online, Alexis Blake. OMG, I love her. And there is nothing about her that identifies her as male in my mind. I don’t know that she is fully transitioned. But really, it doesn’t matter to me. She’s a woman in my eyes. And she seems to be super healthy about it from a mental aspect. Some say she very clearly is mental because she’s trans. But what I see is she was a gay man who was happy with their relationship, their job, and their life in general, and the only issue they were struggling with was their gender. So they changed it.
I have another person in my life. I’ve known them for a very long time. We’ve been friends for a long time. we had a brief sexual relationship. This person has always been very masculine in my eyes. They have recently come out as a transwoman. I want to be supportive. I want them to be happy. I have seen them struggle in life for acceptance and validation from the outside world. From friends, family, community. There’s a lot of trauma and insecurity built up in this person. And it’s been hard to see them struggling with drugs and alcohol and various other vices in the time I’ve known them. So while I want to be supportive, there is a part of me that is concerned. I am concerned that they are using this as another way to fill an unfillable hole inside them. I hope that is not the case. They seem to be so happy in their path to transitioning and that brings me joy to see. They have so much support and validation since they’ve made this announcement. I want to see them thrive. I just don’t want this to be another vice. I pray for it to be the true path to their feeling of peace in this world.
The biggest problem I have is with the people who are cramming it down our throats and making demands. This seems to be a transwoman thing because I have not seen any transmen making a public spectacle of themselves. There is a part of me that wonders about how men see women and how this correlates to how gay men and transwomen behave 89% of the time. How many “cis” women act like this? And let’s talk about this “cis” thing. I understand the argument that it’s just a way to categorize us. But I feel like it’s unnecessary. Why is it necessary? Maybe it’s necessary at a trans event of some sort, because we are the odd man or woman out. But out here every day… not so much. And really I think the only reason it’s important to categorize at all, trans or cis, is if you are looking to have a physically intimate relationship with someone. Only 1.03 % of the US population is trans. Some of this debate seems silly and unnecessary.
I have gotten of track. Gender dysphoria.
While I was raised in the Christian church, I’ve studied many different religious followings. I believe in reincarnation. I believe that before we reach the next plane of existence, we have many things we need to learn and experience on this human meat sack plane. Why is that? I don’t know. But….. I wonder if Gender dysphoria happens because say, in all my previous lives I was a woman. So being a woman fits. But what happens when I am reincarnated as a man? While we may not remember all of our previous lives, per se, have you ever met someone and feel you’ve known them forever? Have you ever been somewhere that you’ve never been before but you recognize so many things there and they bring up strong feelings for you? Have you ever just known how to do something that no one ever taught you. Instinctive stuff, like what to do in a certain type of emergency? So imagine every previous life you were a female and in this life, you are born a male, or vice versa. There is some part of you that is going to feel wrong. It’s going to feel so insanely foreign to you. That would be difficult to just roll with. wouldn’t it. Hell yeah, it would.
Honestly, this is really the only explanation that seems logical to me. And for those of you who don’t believe in reincarnation… it’s not going to make any sense at all.
Now I have a question to pose, and I want to make it clear, I want other humans to be happy and feel good in their lives, in their bodies, in their minds. But the question is this. If you have been reincarnated as the opposite gender from previous lives, could it be that you mastered whatever it was the universe wanted you to master as that previous gender and your next lesson can only be mastered by living in the gender assigned to you in this life? Could we call this refusal to just “roll with it” Reincarnation Assignment Defiance Disorder?
The argument could be made that the lesson is to learn something else, about gender fluidity or that the meatsack we are residing in doesn’t define us. That we can change our gender stars.
But I argue that who we are and what we do is what defines us. We have complete control of that. The only reason we have control over our physical gender attributes on any level is because of medical science, which is still marginal. If this is what makes you comfortable in your skin, and you are a grown adult, then have at it. I support you. I will do my best to address you in a way that supports you. Just please, don’t be angry and violent and aggressive about it with me. It’s really not necessary. I prefer to see you as a human being living a glorious life and not a confrontational content creator making a spectacle of yourself for clicks. Be a content creator who is just living their best life and is happy doing it.
We are all just a cosmic bundle of energy residing on a human plane of existence until we can reach the next plane, whatever that is. I would like to think our purpose here is to learn to care for one another while we are here. And sometimes that can be hard, for whatever reason. That reason is different for every person. We ALL deserve to feel safe and comfortable in our own skins. We cannot do that by forcing our will on and inflicting pain on others.
My train of thought is gone, but if you are here reading this, I’m hoping for some open and honest insights. I’m hoping for open and honest communication. I’m not the end-all. These are just my random thoughts. And very clearly they aren’t complete. There is a lot I don’t know or understand.
Justmemyownself 